Sudah lama sejak aku memiliki keinginan mengikuti walking tour di Jakarta. Beberapa jasa penyedia yang aku tahu dari instagram di antaranya Jakarta Good Guide dan Walk Indies Jakarta. Setelah sekian lama, dengan keimpulsifan seperti biasa, akhirnya Jumat kemarin keinginanku terwujud. Rute yang aku ikuti adalah City Center, dengan titik awal di depan Museum Nasional, dekat halte Bus City Tour Jakarta.
Ika Natassa in one of her book, Antologi Rasa, said that there’s no such thing like being immune of heartache. Heartache is not like eating sashimi, which doesn’t taste good and even strange at first, but sooner or later start to taste normal like any other food, or even good for some people. Heartache is more like eating rotten fish, it would always doesn’t taste good, even you have eaten it for the thousandth time.
And If I may being skeptical, the world is so cruel, unless you still have someone who still has curiousity on you. There’s also said, 100% efforts or it seems nothing, and better be nothing, or it’s time to take our rotten fish.
The thing is, here is the fact, we have all those theories, wisdoms, methapors, and experiences, but we tend to choose or more precisely: let the same thing happened again. I don’t know wether it is just human basic instinct, especially women, or we’re just destined to be that dumb. Let ourselves to open our hearts, and let them with all those curiosity find out more, hardly, about us, with all those 100% efforts or more, more than enough, until there’s no curiosity left, or sometimes even made us decreasing our pride until there’s nothing left, and here we come with the eating the rotten fish phase.
I came to a conclusion, that consistency of 100% efforts we received in curious phase is such an inevitability. They are, would always be who they are. They, who often used to be our everything in our life, in the end would be who they are on the daily basis, in the normal phase before a twinge of curiosity grown upon us.
And alternating phases occurs over time, when one is pushing us to eat those rotten fish, another one is taking efforts for 100%, while another one is giving us a kind world–being curious on us. Our heart and mind are made confused to accept, throw, and forget at the same time.
At the end, I would wondering myself if there is a hope of when all of these things find a stop, on a person who would not make us consume those rotten fish?
Jika hanya makna yang ingin dibahas, terkadang ingin rasanya tahu mengapa hal-hal luar biasa yang tidak pernah terpikirkan akan terjadi dalam hidup benar-benar dialami. Bagaimana suatu pandangan atau percakapan bisa mengawali berbagai kejadian yang membuat perjalanan ini tidak kembali monoton. Mengurungkan persepsi sekilas bahwa hidup tidak layak dijalani lagi. Tidak peduli salah atau benar, bahagia atau menyedihkan, semua rangkaian terjalin begitu rapi dan saling beriringan. Dan bagian kecil dari otak bernama hipokampus ini akan mengingat setiap detail yang terjadi: tawa, tangis, marah, teriakan, pandangan, gerakan, suasana, dan lantunan musik itu. Rekaman yang seringkali terputar dan kembali terbahas. Bahkan, kadang disengaja untuk diperlambat, hanya untuk menguatkan memori. Guraunya, sebagai bahan mengingat. Pada akhirnya, hanya ucapan terima kasih yang dapat disampaikan untuk semua peran-peran kecil manis dan pahit yang telah meramaikan.
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