25 and The Best Gift

Been through so many unexpected, hard, things in life for the past several months, has made me become such a zero expectation human. I can’t be more ready to face the worst scenario in every aspect in my life. My job, my love life, my family. I feel like I’m gonna be okay if there’s something which is not really good happen on them, and be more okay if actually things that happens are good. My job is trying to make it good, but I don’t mind if the results aren’t that good. I call it destiny. For the sake of my health, mind and body, I do not expect anything, anymore. Anything. And life just be greater and easier to live, trust me.

And on that day I turned 25. One or two night before the day, Aldy said that it was the lowest point on him, that he couldn’t propose me right on my birthday. The payment from one of his biggest client hasn’t been done. And the spending of the 40 days pray of his grand mother’s left was just too much, he also contributed to it. Very wisely I said that my birthday is a happy day for me, but the day he propose me will be one of the beautiful day in my life, and it doesn’t always need to happen on the same day. I’m good at zero expecting, as I’ve said before.

I arrived at my office that morning and found my table had been decorated. Such a cute beginning, I thought. Half an hour later all of my friends came to me with two cakes and a gift (from Teh Dwi). That actually the first time my birthday were celebrated by quite lot of friends in my office. Usually the celebration only included my cubicle friends. We took some photos and shared the cake. Oh and I just remembered that usually Aldy came too to gave me surprises. The first, and the third years we celebrated my birthday at my office. On the second year I was sick that he gave me surprise in front of my boarding house. This year is the fourth year, and he’s not coming, I thought. But I’d asked him to have dinner with me in Dago Pakar. Well at least we would have a time to spend together on my birthday. Basicly I’m not a big-surprise fan.

After office hour, I went to Cafe Halaman where Aldy had a meeting with his colleagues. It was almost finished, and he went to pay the bill. He came back and some minutes later a waiter came and said there was something he need to ask Aldy. He went away again and came back, saying there was an error in his debit payment. Suddenly the music on the cafe played a birthday song, and my reflected action was, “what was that?”, a waiter came to my table bringing a pancake with an ice cream and chocolate sauce written “Happy Birthday Dinda”. Oh, that was just unpredictable, I must say.

The meeting was finally over and we decided to have dinner in Sierra. Teh Dwi recommended the restaurant because of  its good meal, affordable price, and magnificent view. And yes, I agree to her! I brought the gift from Teh Dwi and opened it there. “Here’s the gift from Teh Dwi,” I said to Aldy. “We’ll buy your gift tomorrow, ok?” he said to me. Did he really mean “we”? It must be a different gift, I thought, because “we” should buy it together. But what would it be? I was wondering. We finished our meal and I went to the spot where I could see that very sentimental view of Bandung. What a very breathtaking view. I went back to my table and back to my confuse. “Where are we going tomorrow?”. “Around Pasir Kaliki or maybe Saritem,”.

Continue reading “25 and The Best Gift”

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Why It Should Be Me?

Below the full moon, I was taken by motorcycle tonite, and asked him for the 1000th

“Why it should be me?”. “You ask this every month *laugh*”. “I still didn’t get it”. “When we have no reason in it, it should be called love. If we’re here for a reason, then we’re also break up for a reason someday”. “But if you have no reason, then you will have no reason for breaking me up”. “Should we still ask God the reason for meeting us? Let Him decides for us, and we better not too much ask about His decision. It’s our fate to meet, just have it flow. Even long relationship doesn’t always end in marriage, how long did you spend for your previous?”. “Almost 3 years”. “You didn’t marry him, rite?”. “Yes”. “Now you just have to learn more how to believe in fate, His decision. As long as your existence bring blessings, and lead us into a better person,”

That moment I almost forgot that everything happens for a reason, fate from God, and I shouldn’t ask too much about it. Just live it well. True 🙂

The Way of Change

I once read an article told that most of women could hardly forget their past “several” times than men. And reminding men with their past becomes one of the most hateful thing for them. All I can say is: that’s true. Instead of my lots of gripes to him all this times, reflecting continuesly of how I never get statisfied from the explanation of what had happened, one night I finally found an inspiring answer.

That night I told that I felt sorry for him. He told me not to, saying that I didn’t do something wrong. That made me ask him for a thousand time if he had regretted to meet me. Never, he said, he couldn’t change this far and this better if he hadn’t met me. Then why have to be like this? He told that everyone has his/her own way to change. That might be the best way to change for him, a scenario God gave to made him better. It suddenly reminds me of Yusuf Mansur, how he got jailed twice in his life before he finally born back as a far better person. That was his way. The difference is just people could see the changes or not. That leaves me alone, believing that the wisdom behind all of these, are changes in him into a better person. Remember of one hadist said that three things God hate the most are wealth, position, and women? I thought I’ve secretly saved him from two of them.

love or friendship?

I often see someone asks “What would you prefer to choose? Love or friendship?”

Last time I saw it on A Love to Kill. And most of us will choose friendship.

But thinking and imagining the reality when someone we love and actually love us too, gives up just because his closest friend loves us. Or when someone is forced to love the other woman by his close friends, just because the woman is their close friend?

Are they really unfair case?

Or, it’s jus our big egos?

Well, that was not anyone’s experince. Suddenly those thoughts came to my mind.