There are moments you gripe, why it should be this way, why it should be this hard, why it should be me? I saw the patterns of how it ran in the beginnings. “Did I really have to live this way, again? You mean, again..?” I asked myself, no need an answer, and nodded myself because nothing I could do about it. Then I should saw another person falling down to its maximum with my own eyes, pulling the hands, or even having it piggy-back-rided on my back, full of tears, and I should put the word “again” in the end of this sentence. The things I wanna find out next is, where would my baby going this time after he finally could stand firmly in his own feet for the first time? Would he hug his mother? Or turn around, finding out the world all alone…

This won’t be my first time, but all I could do is being the best for the one I love. A person ever told me that I was gifted with an excessive patience. I took it as a compliment and also a burden. I consciously realize, with that kind of gift, I would be examined differently with others. I would often hear people around me saying that they couldn’t understand why I should living through all of this, and we ended laughing, because I would sucessfully made a jokes of my own fate. “My addiction of drama has brought me here,”. I thought it would be exciting to live in it. Now I could really live in it, and somehow secretly have a joy with it. This would be always challenging for me, regardless of what I would finally get at the end (nothing at all or everything).

I just hope that being the best this time, passing through this hard level of examination wouldn’t be such a waste again. If you think why I should do this kind of stupid thing again after my worst experience, you might forget a strange chemical creature called woman.

Ah, woman. They would always do this..

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